I'm sick of it
I'm sick of friends not caring. I'm sick of feeling like I've been forgotten about, left behind in the dust. I'm sick of....not being heard or having people find the deeper meaning behind my words.
whatever happened to the times where I'd be lazy and say I don't want to hang out, only to have people come kidnap me and force me to do things? Their gone, that's what. You know why? Because people just think that I'm too depressed and in my own world to do shit. They stay away from me, I suppose in a way they outcast me, scared that if they get in my space I'll chew them out.
Did I ever do that before? Do I scare them now?......it's times like this where I feel like I could jump off a bridge and no one would turn to look, or if they did, maybe they'd finally say "maybe we should have picked her up instead because then she wouldn't be alone at home, crying her eyes out thinking of suicide?'
isn't that what friends are for? Making others not lonely anymore? heh....then I suppose i just don't have any friends anymore do I?
I don't even know why I try and complain anymore. Whenever I try, nobody responds, or when I try, their always caught up at the moment to calm down and listen. I don't even have anything to complain about, but....just having someone look at me, invite me in on conversations or...take my hands and get me up from my seat....that's enough to just make me smile. but does anybody care? I swear they hate me....I'm like that person that nobody likes, they just invite me to things now because they were inviting everybody and I happened to catch their mind.
I also hate them lying to me. Why tell me that they'll listen when they don't? why....try and include me in on things when they don't even care if I'm there or not anymore? Even when I do go I'm just....there. I can feel the tense air around it....around my "friends"....
I don't even know what I did to them....did I annoy them too much?.....I....I just don't get it.....do I worry too much?
Maybe they'll finally miss me when their off in college.....
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